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home : columns : joel alvstad
January 15, 2019

12/19/2018 11:28:00 AM
He's making a list, checking it twice

Joel Alvstad
Sports Editor

Christmas time is here again and all the good girls and boys will have visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads as they wait for the annual visit from Jolly Old St. Nicholas.
But you don't have to be young to be filled with excitement and anticipation. In fact, children of all ages express their Christmas wishes in letters to Santa Claus every year.
That includes many in the sports world.
Well, we here at Citizen Publishing have a bit of an in with the big guy and Santa has shared with us some of his more unusual requests from the sports world.
Only initials are given to help protect the anonymity of the letter writers.

I got, and lost, my dream job in the span of a year. Maybe you can help me get back on my feet with a team that has an offensive line?
- J.D., Minneapolis

Hey Santa, what gives? I wanted to be on a team that would see me as the outstanding leader that I am. Now my old team is doing better without me and my new team is struggling. What did I do to deserve this?
- J.B., Philadelphia

Santa: You gotta get me out of here. When I was in the broadcast booth, I was always the smartest guy in the room. Now that someone actually thought I could do that on the sidelines, I miss the broadcast booth. What were they thinking?
- J.G., Oakland

Santa, it bothers me to no end that the Gophers and their gas-bag coach brought home the Axe, and it's going to drive me nuts to see them contend in the Big 10 next year. Maybe you can relocate me someplace where their teams are on the downswing. I hear Milwaukee is nice this time of year.
- P.R., Minneapolis

Santa: It seems like every turn I make, I get hurt and my teams do just as well without me. You suppose you can keep me healthy for a full season to see if I can win on my own?
- C.W., Philadelphia

Dear Santa,
Now that I'm retired, do you suppose the fans in this state can look back and appreciate what I did? It's not easy being the face of the franchise for 15 years.
- J.M., St. Paul

Santa: Why didn't you let me know about this coaching stuff years ago? If I can get this team to the Final Four, wouldn't that put me right up there with the greatest sports figures our state has ever known?
- L.W., Minneapolis

Santa, you already gave us our present by sending J.B. to Philly. Maybe next year, you can figure out a way we can move to the Eastern Conference?
- K.A.T. and A.W.,

Santa: I know I asked you for a franchise quarterback last year. I didn't realize that we were better off with what we had. I should have never doubted you.
- D.S., Washington

Dear Santa, I could really use some help. You think you could send Curry and Durant this way? I mean, who wouldn't want to play here?
- L.J., Los Angeles

Suddenly, the thought of playing until I'm 45 doesn't seem that enjoyable. Give me a reason to walk away now, before I go out injured, like Favre.
- T.B., Boston

Santa, it's only a matter of time before we get this thing turned around, but a little extra help in the receiving corps wouldn't be a bad thing.
- B.M., Cleveland

Hey Santa: Every day is Christmas when you bring the Axe back to town! RTB! Now, I need you to make sure to keep P.R. around so I can drive him insane by leading these guys to the Rose Bowl!
- P.J.F., Minneapolis
Quick hitters
• A person with a connection to the area is making quite a name for himself in professional wrestling.
In 2004, then-St. Michael-Albertville wrestler Chas Betts defeated WMLBO's Ryan Fast for the Class AA state championship.
Betts went on wrestle at Northern Michigan, but became one of the country's top Greco-Roman wrestlers, earning a spot on the 2012 Olympic team.
Shortly after the London Olympics, Betts signed with World Wrestling Entertainment. After spending time in WWE's development program, he was signed to the main roster, using the ring name Chad Gable. He is currently one half of the Monday Night Raw tag team champions.
• Former RRC standout Rachel Kedl is on the women's basketball team at St. Mary's University in Winona.

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